My Life

Felt I needed to share it. So I did.

When I was a child, I wanted to be a physicist, an astronaut, or a neurosurgeon. Or some strange combination of all of the above. I excelled at calculus, mathematics, music, languages and so on.

I disliked the politics of the land I was born in and became a social worker, trainer and public figure. Within a short span of time, I ended up working with over 2,500 children of my own ethnicity. I focused on teaching them about the neuroscience of the brain and how it could infinitely re-wire itself – and tools that can be used to facilitate the learning process. In ways that kids would understand and enjoy.

And for political reasons, I had to leave – and started my journey into higher education.

I started out in Physics, but quickly found that I liked literature, politics, performance and poetry. A gifted Nigerian professor got me started on African History, then American History – and introduced me to the Model United Nations.

And fate intervened.

I switched major and countries and became a political scientist by training. Living in the US, Germany and the UK – and travelling to many other countries for research work and attending conferences. Eventually, through much personal struggle and illness, I completed a PhD in Political Science. My thesis was called ´The dramaturgy of ritual performances in the Indian Parliament´.

And then after that a major download came, and I became an astrologer and a priestess and God/dess knows what else. And somehow elements of all of the above come spinning together in what is a tapestry I myself do not fully understand.

But what I do understand through all of this is that my work – as a priestess – never asks me to look past the human structures this species uses to govern itself – it asks me to engage with them powerfully. Into the muck, as it were.

To get lower, to sink deeper to the heart of things, and never to escape from them. But to embrace them. And in so doing, to transform them.

It´s meant popping a lot of bubbles, and wielding a very large sword. When appropriate. But – for those of you who know me – that´s just how I roll.

But my heart has always been with the stars and the quiet, dark detached spaces they hold. To me, they have always seemed like home.

And yet my work, is in the here and the now. It looks like a new way is opening up for me and it´s going to be a very interesting dance of all of the above.

Wish me luck 🙂 The next chapter starts for me on a trip to India. I´m looking to do a second PhD there, this time in Sanskrit. Or in whatever else I´m supposed to be doing.

We´ll see – whatever it will become, it´s certainly a very interesting journey I signed up for.

Priestess Bairavee Balasubramaniam PhD

The Sky Priestess

Some Voices, We Are Told, Matter More Than Others … (Poem)

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Some voices,
we are told,
matter more than others
Call it privilege
Bias, Prejudice, Politics,
Racism, Sexism,
Bigotry
Call it what you like.
But whether it’s a little voice,
Or a big one.
Suffering is suffering.
Yet …
So much is drowned,
So much, we simply tune out
to hear the familiar drummer
But to place our ears to the ground
For the voices that have yet to be heard
For the soft drops of tears shed in hidden spaces.
Amidst the cacophony of the voices we know,
The voices we’ve been told are more important,
than the ones who are missing.
Surely …
Could we not listen, just a little further?
A little deeper?
Could we not seek out the words held thick
in the still air of silent neglect?
Could we not seek to hear the voice
we were told never to value
never to love
never to respect?
For some voices,
some lives,
we are told,
matter more than others…
Bairavee Balasubramaniam, 2015

Image: Autumn edition 1925 - our new guide to rose culture (1925) (20163159620).jpg By Dingee & Conard Co; Henry G. Gilbert Nursery and Seed Trade Catalog Collection [No restrictions], via Wikimedia Commons
Poem ©  Bairavee Balasubramaniam, 2015 . All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce without the author's consent.

Whoever said Rebirth was Easy?

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Out of familiarity and into the Unknown,
An old self burns and another begins to form,,
It’s all new, and yet you’ve known it all along.

Parting pangs of what you left behind,
Anxiety rears its head as if to remind,
That there’s so much be explored.

Things to master, things to mess up with,
Things to enjoy, things to weep over.
There’s so much stuff that could wrong.

But, what if it went right?

That question is a bright light or deeper night
Than where you are now

What if things went a different way?
A new road,
A Pathway,
Beyond what you can imagine.

And so it is
The Eggshell broken,
Ashes spread around,
No sight of the old to be found.

It’s all new,
It’s all fresh,
But still a voice uncertainly asks:

What if it all went wrong?

And another, in a whisper replies:

What if it didn’t?

What will you have found?

That question is a bright light or deeper night
Than where you are now

What if things went a different way?
A new road,
A Pathway,
Beyond what you can imagine.

What will you have found?

Bairavee Balasubramaniam

 

Image: Mt Charleston Blue Butterfly.jpg – By Corey Kallstrom/USFWS (Flickr: Mt Charleston Blue Butterfly) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons [Digitally Enhanced by the author under license terms]

Poem, ‘Whoever said rebirth was easy’ © Bairavee Balasubramaniam, 2015. All rights reserved.

What does it take to Dance with your Shadow?

Belly_dancer_playing_with_a_veil_at_the_2012_Las_Vegas_Age_of_Chivalry_(8104140497) - Copy
What does it take to Dance with your Shadow?
 
Surrender. Acceptance. Acknowledgement. Experience. Vulnerability. Release. Surrender. Acceptance. Acknowledgement. Experience. Vulnerability. Release. Surrender. Acceptance. Acknowledgement. Experience. Vulnerability. Release.
 
and so on.
 
It’s a tender process, one that requires you to dredge up your deeply rooted fears, vulnerabilities, anxieties and sources of Shame. It asks you to face up to your fears and to speak them out loud. It asks you to recognize your fear of consequences and act anyway.
 
It asks you to take a leap of faith in the pitch black of night
 
Not knowing if you’ll fly, fall, break, burn, be reborn ..
 
All of the above, more, or nothing at all.
 
~ bairavee balasubramaniam ~
Image:  Belly dancer playing with a veil at the 2012 Las Vegas Age of Chivalry (8104140497).jpg By Frank Kovalchek from Anchorage, Alaska, USA [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons — digitally altered for this post

turns of time.

turns of time

many paths, many truths
each claiming to be the most ideal,
the ultimate path to the divine..
the ultimate path to humanity..
the most representative ….
of our time. Now.

And yet there is a need to step aside …
For the wheels of time teach a powerful lesson:

Repetition.

A different name, a different game,
time and time again
the same kind of claim
passionately, provocatively, profoundly,
the One that will save …
time and time again ….

a cycle is born, peaks, then ends …
a Zeitgeist emerges as part of each new age
one we collectively seek to emulate
if it hurts, one we hate
in support, in resistance,
here and there a different kind of truth,
paled in the shadow of the one hymn all are called to sing
of the greatest path Now.

that we all need to follow lest we miss the Mothership
the magic Ascension trip
there is a part of me that wonders
if our love for the collective
waking up together,
the desire to be One…
i wonder if it forgets time.
for in the next age, another Song,
then another …

we tell ourselves they build on each other.
as we dance in the trance of the music of utopia.
the cycle repeats with a different song each time
but the dancers keep dancing
but what happens if we cease to follow?
if we refuse to dance
and step away
like the eagle rising over the rain clouds

what we if simply say
hey …

we’re at it again.

there’s no magic ideal,
utopian realization,
no special time,
that hasn’t meant more than every other second in the Universe?

what if we stopped trying to push,
into being an utopia of a faraway dream,
the New Age equivalent of a
spiritual rat race?
what we if simply say

hey …
we’re at it again.

~ bairavee balasubramaniam ~

WELCOME TO THE NEW

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Sometimes less is more,
More or less,
Sometimes to get real fast,
You’ve gotta go real slow..
Sometimes to get somewhere,
Stand real still…
and – 3, 2, 1, ..
Nope, still no go.

Funny old world,
Topsy-turvy doesn’t quite cut it,
That’s logic we get – we can predict,
Where truth is stranger than fiction,
Where stillness is the prerequisite to right action,
The old world won’t make sense in the new
Once you shake hands with the stranger,
in the Mirror – hm, seems rather familiar?
Normalcy bid Adieu.

It’ll never be the same…
Not now? not ever?
Never again?

There’s just no going back…
The old ways just don’t make sense …

*happy sigh*

Welcome to the New.

© Priestess Bairavee Balasubramaniam PhD

Image: Young Galaxy Accreting Material.jpg – By ESO/L. Calçada (http://www.eso.org/public/images/eso1040a/) [CC BY 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0) or CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

BREAKING THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS: A JOURNEY IN PROSE

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Cold in my stoicism,
Frozen in my own denial,
Of a world I crafted,
Gone. Done. Dusted.
It’s final!

I remember a warmth that filled me a long time ago,
Did it, really? I’d like to think so..
When I believed in my own illusions,
The ones I thought made me whole.

Face-to-face, we gazed in a mirror,
And in his eyes I thought I saw a glimpse of something familiar,
Was it home? That kindred spark?
Was he The One to dance with me in The Dark?

He wasn’t. None of them were.
No matter the posture,
The rhetoric, the glamour,
Promises of forever,
I’ll stay with you, my dear.

But He just wasn’t Home. None of them Were.

Tired of wanting to get there,
Tired of needing to be whole,
Tired of waiting to find him,
Tired of wanting to come home.

Till one day I Surrendered,
The Mirror Shattered.

And with it The Lover,
The Victim, The Saviour,
The Self,
And with it, The Other.

What now? What next?

A New World Beckons,
Paved with Broken Glass,
Did I at last pass my Soul’s Test?

The Mysteries lie in wait…
Discoveries I am bound to make,
Of the world I missed,
Too long spent in the mirror’s bliss,
Waiting for that one, magic, kiss.

Was it all worth it, you ask?
Yes …

I believe so,

At long last.

Priestess Bairavee Balasubramaniam PhD
www.bairaveebalasubramaniam.com

Image – heavily modified version (with rights) of: Young woman and broken window-2.jpg – By LennieZ (Flickr) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Text and Graphic Modification © Bairavee Balasubramaniam, 2015

NECTAR SPILLS, SHE UNVEILS

Nectar Spills, She Unveils

Hey you!
I told you it would be this way…
Touch my heart,
my lips part,
Touch my soul,
my hips begin to sway…

A gentle tickle,
And the shy rose begins to bloom,
A nuzzle, a giggle,
She begins to swoon.

*flood*

The flow of nectar begins,
Sweet, thick, liquid love
Oh how it spills.

Over your lips,
Drowning the mind,
Over your flesh,
The body’s defenses unwind,
Over your ego,
In which you are confined.

You wanted a woman’s love, didn’t you?
Her heart, Her yearning,
Her passion, Her dreaming,
Her sex writhing and churning,
In waves of pleasure, ecstasy, agony
and through it all … Play …

I am an ocean. I am vaster than you can imagine.
I am the mighty force of a river waiting to burst free,
And through all this you ask
but a mere trickle
of All that is Me?

I’m afraid that just won’t work, Little Bee…
For with my love comes sweet intensity,
Will you drown? Will you soar?
Will you wail? Will you roar?

That I cannot say lest you find a way,
Drop your doubts, your limits,
Cast it all away.

Be here,
Without fear,
And Love Me,
Through the night and the day.

Priestess Bairavee Balasubramaniam, PhD
www.bairaveebalasubramaniam.com

Goodbye Limbo, Hello New Chapter in Life

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I’ve been thinking about what message I uniquely bring to the world, what I want to contribute and how, what will eventually be a large part of the legacy I leave behind when I ultimately leave this planet (yes that’s Mars in Capricorn talking, and yes I have a Capricorn Sun conjunct Neptune, and yes, that is currently conjuncting transiting Mars – all in Grand Cross involving Lilith-Apogee )

I’ve been thinking about writing books, organizing courses and workshops – and I’m the type of person who would rather say nothing at all unless I felt I had something to say of value. I’ve been involved in several different fields in my life so far – political science, creativity (from the neuroscientific perspective), social work, mentorship, educating children and young adults, public speaking – and of course, astrology and spirituality. (and other stuff)

I feel that the next step in my journey would be tying all that I know, and continue to learn together, with my awakening spiritual path.

Whilst nothing in the spiritual world is truly ‘new’, the way in we channel messages or impart teachings, infused with the originality that comes from our Unique Selves, often adds to that message in powerful ways. All of us have our own powerful messages to bring – this is an exploration of my own, and I hope it inspires a process of reflection and engagement with your own.

I feel that my key message at this is to re-introduce an awareness of the totality of Mother Kali. She goes beyond Death and Darkness — and is so much more than being just about Feminine Rage and Accepting the Shadow – in fact you could say that’s the first step of getting to know her and work with her. And whilst more and more people are starting to wake up to this realization (as I did too), the world really needs this information to get out there.

The last thing we need is more division and stereotyping in our individual and collective Journeys.

So this is going to be my focus, and my emphasis – and I’m pleased to announce – also the subject of my first Book. Whilst I will refer to scripture where required, it will be more of a personal exploration and the understanding of Her which she has inspired in me. She’s taking me someplace else in my life right now internally, but I feel as though this is the work that I am called to do externally.

(Finally! Now I know what I’m supposed to be doing at this time!)

And by no coincidence or surprise whatsoever, I was elected (earlier today) to to be the Director of International Affairs & Diversity at The Foundation for the Spiritual Practice of Creativity. It’s a yearly renewable position, and I hope to do much work with the Foundation.

Blessings and Joy to All,

Priestess Bairavee Balasubramaniam, PhD
www.bairaveebalasubramaniam.com

LITTLE GIRL, ON YOUR COSMIC THRONE

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Dark Daughter lit by the Stars,
Lovingly surrounded by Grace from Afar,
From the Abyss She Emerged,
A Being of Sweet, Tender, Love.

Little Girl on your Cosmic Throne,
Playing Peek-a-boo with the Inner Planets,
Hide and seek with the Gas Giants,
Giggling away in a game of Celestial Tag.

Sweet creature, Brave warrior,
My Precious Cosmic Paradox.

Her Skin Lit from the Glow of Worlds,
Her Bright eyes Gleaming,
Like the most precious Pearl.

Holding hands with the Universe,
A little vortex doing her dance,
And all of the Cosmos watches,
In Absolute Silence,
Entranced.

When she’s sad, worn, ragged or just tuckered out,
She comes back home,
and lays her head on a Lap with no Form.

Tucked in Her Blanket of Stars,
Awake only in her dreams
My little Daughter of the Dark,
Falls asleep..

To the sound of the Universe’s Heart Beat.
Silver anklets tinkle on tiny black feet,
Dancing in the Darkness,
Reality Woven from A Little Girl’s Dream.

Priestess Bairavee Balasubramaniam, PhD
www.bairaveebalasubramaniam.com

Image Information: M51 whirlpool galaxy black hole.jpg – Image from Hubble – Uploaded by By Stephen Conatser [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons