With the Rise of the Feminine, so many of us across the Globe have instinctively sought out and begun to honor the Suppressed, Forgotten, Dark Feminine. Be She Kali, Lilith, Hecate, Dhumavati or by any other name, Her Darkness is one that any and all on this Path instantly recognize.
As I have written on multiple occasions, there is equally a trend of appropriating, watering-down and commercializing ancient spiritual traditions, rendering translations that (at times) are a far echo of what was once a powerful being or deity.
To some extent, that has happened with the Dark Goddess. In the bid to make her far more accessible to seekers, so much of what makes her Dark is forgotten or simply glossed over.
And that is .. when you really get down to it .. Not the brightest idea …
This is an energetic signature that has been suppressed, vilified, projected upon and held captive in the words, rituals and imaginations of thousands of years of patriarchal rule. Parts of it hearken back to a time before Time, a space I call the Void from which all Creation emerged. Parts of this Darkness are unspeakably, immeasurably healing and rejuvenating.
And parts of it are downright dangerous, psychotic, chaotic and out of control. This last part is the bit which I´m going to talk about today.
Some of you might find my words as a shocker, others might be be tempted to turn it back on me (i.e. project on me instead), others might wonder if I´ve finally gone off my rocker. That is your judgement to make, should you feel the need. I cannot eschew my duties in any case.
I should also add that many of you who are now just beginning your Path with Her may find Her to be the very opposite. This article is more so for those who have crossed a certain threshold in their relationship with Her and are venturing into a very different terrain. It is more likely to speak to intermediate and advanced channellers and practitioners who invoke her Energy directly.
This is not the same as being a Devotee of Her, or looking to her for Strength and Inspiration. It is a very, very, different relationship and level of engagement.
This is an article that has been months in the making with insights that have been verified by multiple practitioners of a truly advanced level whose judgement I find sound.
I have excluded all other known potential variables before putting forth my hypothesis:
That Parts of the Dark Goddess are Broken in Savage, Damaging ways. And it is up to us to Heal this Darkness. That Working with The Dark Goddess´ energy fully requires us to be present to All of These Aspects.
A few months ago, especially when I facilitated my ´Into the Void: A Journey to the Dark Goddess´ workshop in Glastonbury – I was initiated into certain energetic techniques that I have not read of or heard of elsewhere. I am in the process of writing down these transmissions that come directly from Her, straight from Source – in her Dark Form – I should say a Formless Darkness to be exact.
These teachings have the capacity to heal across timelines in a more complete form that accesses the body at a level I have no words for.
The workshop itself was attended by shamankas who had decades of experience in the field, and the facilitations were very very well received. The downloads were instants the keys I was given opened me to realms I did not consider possible. It was a gift. And most certainly a surprise.
And through that process I have seen many Shades of Darkness. Some are electric blue, some are fiery red. Some have no colour, only a taste or a texture. Some that bring me to a tearful state of reverence, and others that bring me to absolute repulsion.
Darkness is not Homogeneous. She is not Homogeneous. And we cannot Nail Her into Archetypes that Serve our Interests.
Well, not when you´re on an all-out Priestess path. At some point, you feel the rub.
Yes, She can be All-Loving, but that´s not All She is. There is a part of Her that is equally All-Hating.
With the astrological activations of Eris and Uranus, I have seen these multiple Shades of Darkness intensify, with the more bloodthirsty and destructive variant finding more ground.
Imagine having been let out of a cage after been held hostage and raped and abused for thousands of years. I´d be in a bad mood, wouldn´t you?
And I´m not just talking about the righteous avenger of Justice, the Holy Flame of Passion, I´m talking about the kind of energy that enjoys Discord. That enjoys pushing to the edge to see if you will jump.
That throws down the Golden Apple to watch them dance, and ultimately murder themselves. That brings you to the brink of desperation at which point your only choice is to surrender and to do what She bids you to.
(I know, this sounds a lot like the way the ancient Greeks and Romans understood Eris – but dammit, I´m starting to see where their fears come from. It ain´t pretty)
Before we discuss this further, I want to explain that I have taken the time to rule out other factors, in collaboration with professionals in these respective fields : –
A Mental Breakdown – Unclear Sight / Ungrounded Presence – Hijacking / Entities speaking on the Same Channel – Implants – Past-Life Karma – Rips in the Energy Field – ´The Shadow´/ Unacknowledged Self – Projection Dynamics – Disassociated Personality – Possession – and so on …
Having the same experience validated and verified by other long-time practitioners and Priestesses has given me the courage and necessary push to speak about this aspect of Her. I had to be sure that I wasn´t just picking up on something personal and projecting it onto a Divine construct. This is the hardest article I have ever had to write and I thank the sisters – and my brother – who proof-read the draft.
Again – those who directly embody and channel the energy of the Dark Goddess relate to her very differently from those who worship her as a devotee or write about her in admiration, who see her from afar.
For when you look at her Eye-to-Eye, you begin to see these Multiple Faces. Multiple Shadows.
To the many who have sought her out for healing from brokenness and victimhood – I know what I´m saying is a tough pill to swallow.
She is your Saviour, the One who brought you out of bondage. And now – could She be asking you to enter into another?
The thought is too painful to fully consider, but I must. For that is how I began with her myself – that was the first chapter of my Journey with her.
In past times, this is also why access to the Dark Goddesses was traditionally mediated by one who had crossed those thresholds and who help you navigate your way through.
To see if you were ready to truly pass through the eye of the Needle and into a different dimension of Consciousness. Things don´t make the sense the way we expect them to. To be able to tell the difference between your baggage – and – what appears to be baggage of a Cosmic Origin.
In this age, everyone is connecting with everything, irrespective of levels of readiness. We want Enlightenment NOW! And – especially – when it comes to an energy like this one .. that is absolutely not the right approach. It´s one of the reasons why working with the Dark Mothers has, in past times, come with a tonne of warning labels.
Well, like it or not, we´re all going to have face Her. Especially with the Eris-Uranus conjunctions of 2016 and 2017.
So, back to what I´d like to share with you today. The aspects of Darkness that are .. possibly not Sacred as we would like them to be … This is different from the righteous energy of the avenger, the bringer of justice. Or the benevolent, nurturing mother. Or the faceless, formless Void of Creation.
This is just batshit crazy.
I have witnessed this energy move through me, and those closest to me. And have heard of the same story or dynamic with other practitioners. And they are the same story.
Sometimes when you channel or embody Her energy, you see Her Pain. Her Shadow. And that is far larger than any one individual or story. The level and intensity of hate, rage and anger far exceeds your own. It is not even the pain of a single soul through multiple lifetimes, but of a pain that millions, if not billions have borne.
And sometimes it is Anger. It is the desire to Burn. Burn the world that held Her down against Her will.
It is a far larger than one individual´s pain. It is immense.
The images we receive are very similar as is the feel or nature of the energy which I am doing my best to describe. Something about it feels edgy, intoxicated with power – but off, so very, very off. It is the Rising Feminine, but it´s not what we expected.
And I´ve seen it move through so many people that I now can put a finger it and identify it. Not to blame or shame. But to heal.
There are these moments when you feel as though you have no control. That your usual ways of communing with Spirit are quite literally leading you off a cliff. They can be utterly selfish, utterly destructive, utterly ghastly. And still come through the same channel as so many other beautiful, uplifting messages from the Dark Mother emanate.
A very different experience from your personal shadow-work, from possession, or all that fun stuff… this moves through you like Lightning that has stood in wait for thousands of Years and whose anger can no longer be denied.
There´s no Ego-hold to it. It just moves through you like a Wave you feel you can´t stop. Because is so … huge.
Until I reached out and found other sisters struggling with the same, I was about to throw in the towel. I had run out of explanations beyond the idea I was on the wrong Path and had taken a weird turn, now in thoroughly bizarre territory.
How was this even possible?
How could the Mother I love so much be expressing such violent, destructive-for-its-own-sake energy?
Could the Greeks have been right with their fear of Eris?
Was I internalizing patriarchal propaganda or finding an inner demoness I needed to exorcise?
Was I losing my own sanity?
Was my Ego-Shadow-Baggage that HUGE?
So many questions ..
But after much searching, verifying and discerning …
What I can understand now is that this is part of a far, far, larger thing. Something that goes beyond me as a person, as a daughter of a particular maternal line, a member of an ethnicity or race, and so on.
It´s something that each and every practitioner-channeller of The Dark Mother will face the farther they go in Her Service.
That with the Rise of the Feminine .. ALL parts of Her are waking up.
That includes the Avenger, the Protector, the Mother – but equally –
Part of her is Screaming. A part of her wants to Kill. A part of her Relishes the Bloodshed.
Imagining Her not to have these features is … to deny so much of what She is and has been through.
And that is what has happened… with the watering-down of this archetype so as to make her more accessible. In much the same way the Feminine is pedestalized to the point where she is not capable of any Evil.
And to pretend that this side of Her comes out only in response to injustice is well-meaning, but ultimately incomplete.
Different people have responded differently to this energy. Some have run for the hills. Others have embodied it and have allowed their personal baggage to be conflated with Her Shadow. Her Past. The energy they feel from Her is so powerful that it makes them feel powerful. And they attack, in Her name. And they glorify it.
There is another group who sees this as a test of initiation. Surrender to her without question and She will save you. You can call it a lack of faith on my path, but there are some things I will never do – no matter who or what asks me to, or whatever larger cause there may be. The ends do not justify the means.
Those who are working with Her purely from the Lower Chakras aren´t able to see the difference between these shades- because it looks so very similar. You need the upper and the lower working in tandem to tell the two apart.
How do you tell the difference between one fighting for justice, and one fighting just because She likes the chaos? When you´re in a stage where you´re just finding your feet, your voice and your power – this is the last thing you want to think about.
I am writing about this because (1) that´s how I process, (2) there´s bound to be other people who are dealing with this exact question-
What do you do when your Dark Goddess tells you to do the energetic equivalent of drinking poison, of mating with a monster? Or of putting an innocent in harm´s way? Or opening a door you know you shouldn´t?
(Those with Atlantean connections / past-life memories – you know exactly what I´m talking about)
What do you do when the one you trusted and loved so deeply asks you to commit an act you cannot? And every fiber in your body tells you not to?
My only response would be to find a different kind of Darkness to Heal whom you Love so very very deeply. In this case, a Priestess to a Goddess. And many others will be doing the same.
With the astrology of Eris and Uranus, I suspect this work is going to be far more significant than any of us ever imagined. Already I see many who believe they´re on the Path being utterly controlled by this variant of Darkness. And those who can tell the difference between the two are shying away from it. Some refuse to acknowledge it at all (which does not help).
It´s an ancient energy. And one that carries the scars of what we collectively did to the Goddess in the first place. When you bring back The Feminine — it´s ALL of Her. Not just the lovey-dovey, rosey, or even the avenging-for-justice bits. There is lunacy, there is hysteria, there is aggression and there is malice. There is the victim that wants to be heard and the victim-turned-bully that wants to enjoy what it once endured.
Let us be honest. If we accept that the Male God has a Shadow of Brutality and War, then why do we leave the Female exempt? I for one do not buy the woman-is-by-virtue-of-her-sex-more-sacred-argument. In our need to see Goddess as Saviour, we exclude her Shadow. Just look to the holy texts of monotheistic faith – a lot of Gods have a side that is utterly, unspeakably Cruel.
And if we look to the history/herstory of The Dark Goddess herself, her cults have not necessarily been of a peaceful kind. The priests of Cybele and her consort Attis, for instance, engaged in Self-Castration and self-whipping. An impersonator of the Aztec Earth-Mother Goddess Coatlicue was ritually sacrificed in an annual festival. Practices of human sacrifice and .. shall we say unethical magic.. have been associated with the Goddess Kali.
The list goes on. She is a whole lot more than your sister-power-girlfriend who backs you up when you need to stand Tall. There are many other facets of Her than the watered-down, New Age interpretation we´re being asked to consume.
When we bring back these Older Goddesses and their practices, we also bring back the energies associated with them. And not all of them are of Love. So when we invoke these names, we are invoking far more than our current ideas of what The Dark Goddess is what We Want Her to Be. Such is the power of ritual.
Which is why … truly walking the Path of the Dark Goddess is not something I would recommend for most people. You see every possible Shade of Light, Dark, Rainbow, Inverted Energy there is – and you are challenged to find what is Sacred within it , or what must be done to make it Sacred Once more.
Sometimes Serving the Goddess means .. ya really got to Serve Her… with a Dose of Perspective.
To me, a Goddess is not some uber-deity that watches over us. She is born of the intersections of multiple realities, fractals of a hologram that together – bring us the Illusion / Reality of One who is far greater than All. At least, that´s the way I see Her. Which may be right or wrong, but it´s only way that works for me.
When I heal myself, I heal my Goddess. I heal every woman, man, child, being I am connected with. And vice versa. When I harm myself, I make the same choice.
It´s possible – using the body analogy – that whatever this vibration is is the equivalent of bile or regurgitation. That it´s an image of the pain and distortion that women (in particular) and their Sacred, Dark traditions have undergone. Or, it´s just a part of Her we need to address.
Whichever it is, I am sure this piece will challenge and alienate many. But I hope it will find its way to many others who work with, who honor the Sacred Dark Mother for All She Is, not merely All that We Need Her To Be.
In other words, just as we have a Shadow, so does She. And when you channel Her or embody that energy directly, that Shadow comes out as well. It´s tempting to say it´s the individual self projected, or other such psychological shenanigans – but here is where I am grateful for the validation that other channellers have also experienced. It is a part of Her energy in itself. Telling the difference between these various shades of Darkness, between your personal Shadow – and Hers – is a task in itself. That´s why this path has not always been that accessible.
The question of how to heal or address this Shadow is a huge one. And I´m going to have to go back the transmissions I received earlier in the year. As I suspect my answer has been there all along.
It´s going to take Love of all Shades. Especially from the Darkest of Spaces.
I´ll share more when I can.
Priestess Bairavee Balasubramaniam PhD
The Dark Mother’s Children
Image ´ Woman and Crescent Moon, oil on canvas, 24″ x 36″
© E.K.Buckley, 2009. Image used with artist´s permission. For more of her work, go to :http://www.ekbuckley.com