Without wanting to indulge too much in gender stereotypes, I notice three major ways people try to predate on my time and energy. There is a gendered difference there (on the whole, though).
Women come up to me and wave the ´I am hurt´ flag – ´You´ve got to do what I want because I´m upset´ or ´I need you because you are so kind and sweet and strong and it´s your job to make me feel better´ tactic. Which truly, I am not – just a facilitator, doing her job as Spirit guides her to. There´s a very big difference between being hurt or vulnerable and coming to me for advice (and many of you do, which is fine) – and in demanding a particular kind of response or treatment.
Men come up to me and wave the ´U r hot and I am horny´ or the more polite version of it ´You are a Goddess. I desire you, come be with me´ – that tactic says that I have to comply because of their urges. Like the former, it pays little attention to who I am as a person and what I may or may not want.
The third variant applies to both genders – where one person says – I know more than you – or – you don´t know more than me. Frankly, it´s a pointless argument. Nobody knows anything 🙂 In the grand scheme of the Universe, Time and Space. And what we know keeps shifting. If you feel threatened by another´s knowledge or see the need to inform them of what you know (and they don´t), then it´s an Ego issue. Case closed.
When I say no to the 1st demand (and so much of this job is also saying no), I get labelled as cold-hearted, uncaring, money-hungry, a fake guru, patronizing or arrogant- or other words of choice. To the latter, I am asked whether I fear that man, am insecure, am un-evolved, or am lesbian (not that it is a bad thing in any way), or something like that. The third argument I don´t even want to get into because it´s … pretty dumb to begin with.
I realize it may not be a popular post (when have I ever done those?), but these dynamics need to be spoken of. More publicly.
There´s a lot of abuse that facilitators do get on account of the work they do. Saying that they have to turn the other cheek or put up with it because they´re doing ´holy work´ absolutely absolves others of any form of energetic accountability.
Which is a way of playing onto the facilitator´s own ego and promotes an unnatural divide or hierarchy.
My approach (and I´m getting better with it) is to hold up the mirror and ask people to be accountable. To say that I do my work on the basis of what I feel I need to do, and not on the demands that are made upon me.
I used the word predation at the beginning because these tactics are exactly so: A means to get energy from someone who does not wish to give it, whatever their reasons may be.
I´m sure some of you will respond with the ´Oh, but you have to be unconditionally loving´ argument. That works, but unconditional Love works when you are truly being yourself – in alignment with Deeper Spirit. Part of Unconditional Love involves saying Yes, and partly in saying No. It is accepting of all responses.
Let me put it to you this way:
If a random person came up to you in the street and demanded you to have sex with them – would you? If every fiber of your being said No – would acceptance be an Unconditionally Loving act? To yourself? I think not.
Substitute the same example with time, emotions, money, any form of resource you can think of. And it becomes pretty clear.
Or to get even more visceral, if a plague-carrying parasite or supervirus had the words to ask – would you let it in your body, knowing that it would debilitate or kill you?
Yeah … I didn´t think so.
I think Unconditionally Present would be a better term to use. As the concept of Love is weighted down by thousands of years of projection, cultural baggage and ego-wish-fulfilment.
The funny thing is when energy vampires eventually get my response (energy) – when I am in Full Presence, they tend to run.
The moment anyone tells you that your presence must be expressed in x, y, or z way – you know you´re in the ego-game. It has nothing at all to do with Love.
So yes … Unconditional Presence. That when I choose to engage with you, I shall be nothing except my truest, deepest self. And that is the most Loving thing I can do for you.
But you might not like it 😉 – or you might do. Depends on you.